The first movement is the heart.
Every step I have taken for this show was out of a great love for the process, the community, and the people involved. Understand that everything I do is not without motivation, that even though this is only my second time doing PCN, I have put myself in the hardest position you can possibly put yourself in, all in the name of being that one person you can always count on, that one person you can trust when others have proven themselves fallible.
I am not infallible. I am just as susceptible to weakness, just as susceptible to irritability and anger. There have been times where it seemed like I was the angriest for “no reason at all,” and I felt a little insecure about holding that position initially, but then talking to Kuya Alan, I realized, “Fuck that.” I know what my job position entails, and I know what I have to do to get us to the best possible place we can. I know what I am doing, more so than many others in this process, from those who are first timers to some who have been involved longer than I have. I trust in myself, therefore I trust in my heart.
The show is coming up. I am exhausted, stretched past my limit several hundred times only to find that perceived border was not actually the truth of my parameters, but another piece of self-doubt to overcome. No matter what, I have committed. No matter what, I have gone in all heart.
This is it. This is the chain reaction of my first movement.